Bizarre Adventures 34, 1982 “Special Hate-The-Holidays Issue!”

In this, the final holiday post of 2019, I give to you one of the weirdest books ever! These strange stories all revolve around the holidays, but each one with a different cast of characters. The awesome cover is by Joe Jusko!

In the first odd tale (“Son of Santa“), we see a little person who convinces a total stranger to come with him on a flight to Tokyo. He agrees, but half way through the flight, the little guy hijacks the plane, and then forces the kid to jump out of the plane with him (using parachutes). They descend, and find an unusual building. It’s the HQ of none other than Santa Claus himself! The jolly old guy has been killed, frozen solid by someone called…the Anti-Claus! Written by Mark Gruenwald and art by Alan Kupperberg.

The second story is a bit of a parody of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” starring Howard the Duck (“Howard the Duck’s Christmas“)! As usual, it’s a crazy story, but not the best of the book for sure. Written by Steven Grant, art by Paul Smith.

Next is “Dr. Deth, Not to Mention Kip and Morty.” This one is by Larry Hama (script and layouts) and Bob Camp (pencils and inks). This one is very weird, and really not about Christmas except in a  very ancillary way.

In “Slay Bells,” we see what looks like a deranged, small man, acting like a boy to get close to Santa Claus’s around town so he can kill them! This one is super crazy, and violent. Story and art by Mike Carlin.

The next to last story is called “Santa Bites the Big Apple!” Santa arrives to give out presents in Manhattan, but finds out it isn’t easy doing anything in NYC! He gets thrown in the slammer, then must improvise on how to distribute his presents. Writing and art by Al Milgrom.

Lastly, we get a chapter in the life of Bucky Bizarre! An alien character that appeared in previous issues. He’s a humorous character that stumbles upon a girl selling matches on a street corner. The story takes place in the times of Charles Dickens, but this girl is not what you’d think! Written by Steve Skeates, art by Steve Smallwood.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bizarre Adventures 32, 1982 “Sea of Destiny”

The magazine market was in full swing in the 1970s, but as the decade ended, a lot of them went down the toilet. A few lasted into the 1980s, some changing names, like Marvel Preview changing to Bizarre Adventures! These mags were all over the place as far as content, from superheroes to science fiction, to film adaptations. This particular issue focuses on deities, and the one being spotlighted here is none other than Thor Odinson!

The story is definitely in the bizarre category (for all I know it has roots in the character’s mythology), as Thor must take a viking long ship to the sea and fight a giant horse…not kidding here. It’s not just a regular horse but one that has the lower half of an aquatic animal. Guest appearances by The Warriors Three, Odin, and Heimdall!

Written by Alan Zelenetz, with art by John Bolton, this story should’ve just been expanded to encompass the entire book. No offense to the other stories in the book, but none even come close to being as awesome as that one. The magnificent cover is by High School of Art and Design alum, Joe Jusko!